Abbreviated Brevity

I have been home for exactly one week now. I have two left. Things have been ok, I had a good Christmas, got stuff I needed. I think that is the biggest sign that I am old because I get things that I need and don't necessarily want. But I'm not complaining. I have a good life and people who love me and a lot of people don't have that. So I am grateful.

Tomorrow I leave for Troy/Chicago. We're having bridesmaid's day tomorrow and shopping for dresses and having spa day and what not. I miss my girls like whoa. Tuesday is friend Christmas and then we all leave for Chicago. Can I say how excited I am to be spending New Years Eve in my favorite city? with my best friends? It really doesn't get much better than that...unless by some brilliant miracle(s) he was there. But that's for another day right?

Orlando Bloom? Yes please.

My nose is cold. For some reason I can't regulate the heat in this apartment.

Oh yeah, and I'm gonna have a roommate next semester. I'm not really looking forward to it because I am settled and happy here, plus I have everything I need and there is no room for her stuff. So I have to pack some stuff up and take it back with me for break.

I have a lot to do over the next couple days. I have to move all of my stuff out of the empty room, plus take down all my christmas stuff and pack it up to take home. Plus laundry, cleaning, general rearranging. I have to get an oil change and a tune up, plus get my bros presents before I go. I feel really guilty this year because I can't get anything for anyone beyond my family. Rach and Jeff are paying for my share of the hotel on New Years and I know Rach and Maris bought me stuff. I made them some really cool necklaces, but I still feel bad. Erm.

People from Maine are cool.

Look who is lazy and has nothing to do.

We had the "last supper" last night. Everyone is leaving me today, except for Sarah, who I would actually prefer to leave today. I can only handle her in very small doses. Very very small doses.

I can't really think of anything else to say.

Exams are ova....

Actually, they were over for me on Friday but I didn't do a whole lot to celebrate.

Tonight friends, the story will be much different.

I just cleaned my entire apartment, but I still have more to do. On a side note, I found 1.60 in change, but it was all dimes. And in totally random places.

I leave Sunday or next Monday depending on whether or not people are coming back with me. I'm not real sure about the whole going home thing considering all the weirdness that ensued last time I was home. But I figure I can cut the trip short if need be.

Word.

I just got back from the Mistletoe Ball. It was a really nice event, and I felt really happy to be at this school. Plus it was cool to get dressed up for something.

I keep hearing about all the snow and bad weather they got on the east coast and the north, and it makes me glad that I am not in Michigan right now. Not that I think I am cooler than Michigan, I would just like to make sure that gets on record. Rachael.

Exam week. And I am seriously in the best mood because this semester is over. Friday cannot get here fast enough.

I'm not really sure about this whole going home for Christmas thing. Mostly because the last trip was a bit uncomfortable, plus for some reason my friends are being major asshats about pretty much everything. I don't know what the deal is, but at least I can come back early if I so choose. So we'll see.

I just got back from one of the coolest things I have gotten to do. I feel like a lucky girl.

Ok, so Hellmont requires that you take this Computer Proficiency test in order to graduate/register for next semester's classes. So bright and early this morning I go to the lab...and wait 10 minutes for the test "proctors" to show up. In other words two idiot students that GET PAID to proctor those exams were 10 minutes late. It is a series of four tests, which must be completed in 2 hours. So now we're down to 1 hr and 50 mins. Then they proceed to tell us that we actually need to finish five minutes early, and the one extra annoying chick continues talking for another 5 minutes. Test time: 1 hr and 40 mins. After you take each test, you have to log off and log back in, which requires a proctor password. And sur-freakin-prise, we have to wait for the proctor to finish whatever they're doing to come over and key every password, every time. Which brings the actual test time to about 1 hr 33 mins.

Sidenote: I worked a very high-paced, demanding and mentally stimulating job for 3 years. And I did it very well. My performance evaluations exceeded company standards every year that I was reviewed. I received substantial raises due to my performance. I am not a an idiot. I worked for a major finance industry during the biggest refinance boom in history. I'm not trying to make myself sound important, I just know that my skill level is high enough to pass a 100 level computer proficiency test.

I failed the last two sections of the test.

So now I have to go back and retake those portions. I'm more mad at myself for failing, but it pisses me off when I am at the mercy of irresponsible people. I know I waited til the last minute to take this, and I am stressed because of exams and interpersonal drama, but I would still like to beat some proctor ass.

Proctor is a funny word. For many reasons.

Lacey Lou just left me. We had a mini-birthday session cuz she was sick. I got her a cookie cake, and she ate it down.

Went home for Thanksgiving. It was less than stellar. I'm not really sure what the hell is going on, but I felt like I was on a different planet. The sucky part is that's how I used to feel about this city, but for the first time since I got here, I feel at home. It feels good to have this thing that is only mine. But it made me so sad at the same time. I feel like this whole year has been bittersweet. I know to some people I am whiney and selfish, but relative to my life, this past year has been the biggest turning point I have ever had. A lot of times I try to think back to where I was exactly one year from now. This time last year, I was feeling frustrated with my job at the pit, and I was feeling really aimless with my school career. I was also in love with Nathan, and things were going really well, but I didn't know that it would be the last time things would be well. I had never even heard of Belmont and sure as hell wasn't contemplating Nashville. And that certain someone wasn't in my life. Not that he's in my life much now, but that is all just so weird. Sometimes I wonder what would have become of my life if I had just made one decision differently.

I'm about to do something huge, that is totally out of character for me and I have no idea what the results will be. It feels great though because I have absolutely nothing to lose.

I saw Love Actually when I was home and it propelled me into all of this introspective thinking about myself and love and relationships. I like the analogy about airports, I love watching people at airports, it restores my faith in love. It also made me think about the things we compromise on, and how much of our livelihood we are compromising. I know that so many times I work so hard to get something and then once I have it, it's not important to me anymore. I worry that maybe I have sacrificed really great relationships for something that was material, and ultimately of little personal value. That subject itself has been weighing so heavily on mind lately, especially given a lot of the variables that I am juggling right now. I'm by no means trying to feel sorry for myself. I'm just trying to prioritize, and rationalize. Again, I wonder what would have happened if I had done just one thing differently.

Back to my visit home, because I can't really get over it. I was (and still am) pissed because I felt really uncomfortable in my own house. My brother has this cling-on girlfriend who aspires to be my best friend. I think she is the worst thing that could have happened to Aaron, but I can't tell him that because I don't really feel it's my place to do so. I worry a lot about people that are deeply religious. And I say religious and not spiritual, because that is what this girl is, religious. I find no fault in christianity, it's just not my cup of tea perse'. What bothers me is the ignorance that is sometimes accompanied with this christianity. Sort of that all common sense is dismissed for a religious conviction. I think maybe people are just kidding themselves. I'm not trying to judge, I've just been on both sides of the fence, and I know the general mentality. This girl is a Bible-thumper to the core. Part of it is my own jealousy that my "only daughter" status is being nixed. I don't appreciate imposters moving in on my territory. There's other things about her too, but she doesn't deserve any more of my time. Let's just say that Christmas break is also going to be less than stellar.

I've been thinking that for this summer, I'm just going to try to find a place here to stay and either just work or try to take classes at a community college. I'm just not feelin the vibe at home.

I dropped a cracker on the floor and promptly stepped on it.

Why do people drink Mike's hard lemonade. its fucking pointless. you have to drink like 98.7 to feel anything and it tastes like ass.

drew told me that i'm warm like water. i asked him what happens if it's ice water. he said nothing and did a wolf whistle.

i used to be a big fucking stoner. seriously i smoked weed like everyday from like 3pm to 3am. i don't do it anymore

i'm addicted to q-tips.

My friendliest friend is here visiting. We doin the ville, flint style, and detroit style. Uhhh, this how they do it where I'm from.

I wasn't 'posed to be going home for Thanksgiving, but my mom bought me a surprise (sort of) ticket. So that's cool.

If I ever won the lottery, I would make school my career and just take like 30 credits year round and graduate like tomorrow. Or I would fucking quit school and travel around and buy a house in Cabo San Lucas and fuckin chill on the beach with a seabreeze. Serious.

I have two weeks after break and then this semester is over. All I have to do is pass 4 tests and I am home free. At least for a month.

Time to go eat food from China.

I did it in 10</big></b> seconds.
I deserved an A+!!
Take the How Dexterous Are You? Quiz!!

I've been thinking a lot about the way things are here, now that I have moved. The problem is that I have been having some drama lately with some people here. It's total college drama, and nothing like this would ever happen in real life. Part of me wonders what the hell I am doing here. Why did I leave my job and my family and my friends and all other fucking familiarity? And why did I think it would be so easy? I have trouble functioning here. My schedule is maybe 1/3 of what it used to be and I am always scrambling and rushing and forgetting. I used to work more than full time and go to school full time and maintain a pretty decent social life.

But there is one thing that is so clear to me...and it's that I am supposed to be here. I know it. I feel it. And I think that all of the pressure that I have felt has been self-inflicted. I was the only one who said that things had to be perfect here and run smoothly. I was the one who said that I had to absolutely love Nashville and this school. And I was the one who had to be happy and content and well-adjusted.

So I guess what I have concluded is that it's ok to admit that things aren't what I thought they would be.

So yeah, the south is weird and somewhat backwards and I will never get used to the bad driving. And yeah, this school has to be the most disorganized institution that I have ever done business with. And I definitely miss home and my friends and my favorite places. And I cry. And that's ok. I know I am supposed to be here. And I will find favorite places to go to. I will become just as close to my friend's here as I am to my friends back home. I will kick this school's ass and make them transfer all of my credits so I can graduate and get back into the world that I miss.

I'm gonna carry on...
I'mma keep on singin my song...

Stuff I did today:

Woke up
Ate Doritos
Sat on hold with AT&T for an 1.5 hours
Took a shower

The problem is that no cell service great. I don't really understand the deficiency. If I was rich I would start a cell company. It would have great plans, great phones, great coverage and great customer service. Then I would put everyone out of business and get sued for being a monopoly.

Happy Birthday to Sarah Gates who has now joined the "Double Deuce" club. Membership has its privileges.

Chris helped me fix my computer. I spend an hour on the phone with the IT guy while he dicks around and does nothing. 10 minutes after I'm on the phone with Chris, all is solved. Say yes to Michigan.

Otherwise, all is well. School's good, work's good, social is good. Money soon will be good. Word.

Ok, so I have figured out what the problem is. It's my theory of perpetual summer. The fact is today is November 2nd and it is 81 degrees out. Yeah I know, it's insane. And I think that's why I'm still on sensory overload. Time is still progressing but the weather remains the same, so it feels like the same day is just repeating itself. It's like my body is preparing itself for sweater and scarves and I'm wearing skirts and flops. I feel like I'm committing all of these major fashion faux pas, but it's cool. I like it. Things are finally ironing themselves out. I think.

I dunno, it's like I weathered this huge storm and I've washed ashore, alive and bitchin.

I've been thinking about dropping the music business major and switching to a just straight business major and with music business minor. It would just put that diploma in my hand faster.

You know how sometimes you have a certain kind of day, good, bad, lovey-dovey, heartbroken etc. and all you need to do is go home and listen to that one song that you know will be perfect. And preferrably at the loudest decible. Yeah, me too.

I've been having near orgasms from thinking about a piece of Papa John's extra cheese. But that requires some sort of monetary reimbursement. And I'm tapped.

Only 13 days til Maroon 5.

My senior year of high school I took a "cake-course" called Family and Decision Making. One of our assignments was to carry around a bag of flour and pretend that is was a baby and stuff. A lot of people dressed theirs up and stuff, but I duct taped my flour to one of my brother's Wrestling Buddies-which were these huge plush dolls. I don't remember which one my brother had but he had a big-blingin gold chain and a full beard. I used to leave him in my car at night too. Pure comedy.

I just realized that I say "and stuff" a lot. Which is more annoying than saying "like" a lot.

I felt like updating again.

I used to know this Irish kid and he sometimes described people as being "nerdy," but he pronounced it kind of like "neahrdy." It was really cute and it always made me laugh.

OK, so I did pretty well as far as mid-terms go. I'm carrying a solid 'B' average. Which is cool because that means that an 'A' isn't that hard to attain. It's also a little bit sad considering that school is the only thing that I have been doing.

I start working on Monday, I am so excited, plus I'll be making 11.50/hr which is wonderful and I get to basically make the hours that I want. I'm glad I didn't settle.

No TV=Boo hiss.

I'm doing this to avoid mass amounts of homework. I'm going to the library now so I won't be distracted.

Bahaha, Sarah Gates makes me laugh. She is by far my favorite Michigander/Nashvillian. We're gonna start a club.

Michael Moore wrote a book. Fantastic. Maybe he can perpetuate more falsehoods and half-truths. Trust me Mikey, Davison is more disappointed in you than you are in it.

I was reading Aaron Karo the other day and I liked what he had to say about breath mints. Why do people chew cinnamon breath mints? They don’t freshen your breath, they just make it smell like cinnamon. And that’s weird. Haha.

I got back from home yesterday. I had the best visit a girl could have. Ummm, it's too long to recapitulate in its entirety, but I had a great time. I saw all my friends and peeps that I used to work with and I got to see my fam and hang out with cool people. And everyone took care of me and gave me lots of hugs which was exactly what I needed. I love everyone. I was actually ready to come back to school.

I've been appreciating Nashville a lot more lately. It's so beautiful here, not just weather-wise but the city is great. I starting taking this spinning class at this place near the Parthenon. I love it. Plus, I found a job, finally. It's amazing how that can change a person's entire outlook on life. Even though everything isn't wonderful by any means, I am content right now.

Boys are still dumb.

Hoo-ray!

There is sooo much to be excited for right now.

I just had a really awesome weekend and I got to go to Atlanta where it is warm and beautiful and I saw some of the most beautiful parts of Tennessee too. Sigh. But, what rocks even more is that I got to meet some really fantastic people this weekend that made me feel very much at home.

Ok, so I still don't have a job. But tomorrow, tomorrow is the day when I find the big job with the great hours and fantastic pay and amazing boss.

I'm coming home in THREE days. That's right...lock yer doors. She's baaaaaaack.

Yeah, all that, plus...fall break-o. Woo-hoo.

Mmmm...

Boys are dumb.

Let's see...

Today I was completely useless. I did nothing. It's weird being useless. But I'm afraid I'm going to get used to it and just continue with this evil pattern.

There are a few good things about the next few days.
1. No Old Testament.
2. Mom visiting.
3. Weekend.
4. Potential food.

I'm having weird anxiety dreams about school again. No bueno.

I decided that I have to get a job in one week. Even if it means whoring myself. I will have a job by next Wednesday, even if it's something shitty that I have to do til I can find something better.

When I was little, my grandparents owned a cottage that was on this lake in northern Michigan called Long Lake. It was my favorite place to go in the summer, I could usually bum rides from various relatives that were heading up there and I would spend weeks doing everything that I loved. I would get up early and beg my mom to let me go swimming, but I always had to wait for some ungodly reason. Then I would spend all day in the water with my brothers and cousins. Even when the water was freezing and my lips were blue or even when my cheeks were bright red with an all-day sunburn I still stayed in the water. It was the best. I would spend hours exploring the woods behind the cottage and riding my bike on the trails. My grandpa would build a fire on the beach every night, and I got to stay up late and fall asleep smelling like a campfire. There was no time then, days just stretched out forever and the impossible never crossed my mind. It was perfect and simple and sweet. And I miss that.